


I was weak

by MiriRainbowitz



Series: those were our wives (who decided to fuck) [7]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-14
Updated: 2016-02-14
Packaged: 2018-05-20 06:54:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,063
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5995819
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MiriRainbowitz/pseuds/MiriRainbowitz
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Eliza was weak, jumping into bed with Maria, but that's not going to happen now – or ever again.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. saying no to this

**Author's Note:**

> El is an enabler. Also, Anna said I should entitle this "I'm a terrible human being and someone should stop me".
> 
> This fic is set a week after "An amorous connection".

Eliza is busy staring at her computer screen when Betty knocks. “Mrs. Hamilton? There’s a woman named Maria who wants to see you.” Eliza can’t help but flinch at the title even as a shiver of dread runs down her spine like cold water. Betty didn't say a last name, but she doesn’t need one – she knows exactly who’s waiting on the other side of the door.

She feels torn – half of her is insisting that even just _seeing_ Maria will cause irreparable damage (after all, look at what had happened the last time Maria had been here) and the other half is clamoring to see her, to hold her and feel her and fuck her –

No. If she sees Maria, she’s not going to even _touch_ her. Her life is already messed up enough, and there’s a reason she hasn’t talked to Maria in a week. Still, she tells Betty to let her in.

Her computer is directly in the line of sight to the door, so she doesn’t see Maria walk in, but she can hear the sound of the door opening and closing, can hear the sound of footsteps on the carpet, can hear her own, too-loud breathing, can hear Maria’s low, sultry voice say, “Hello, Eliza.”

Eliza finally looks up, and there’s a surge of anger at herself at how her heart still flutters when she looks at Maria. She’s – God, she’s wearing an outfit they both know that Eliza _likes_ , and Eliza has to dig her fingernails into her palms to keep herself from leaping out of her chair and eating Maria out in her _office_. 

“Mrs. Reynolds,” she says after a few seconds, hoping Maria doesn’t hear her voice crack as she sees a flash of pain cross Maria’s face. “What can I help you with?”

Maria breathes in and out once. “I – I wanted to know if something was wrong,” her voice worried and slightly fearful. “You haven’t talked to me in a week.”

“Maria –” Eliza starts, then falls silent. There’s so many sentences swirling around in her head – did she know about the blackmailing, whose idea was it, did she intend on hurting her or Alexander, how could she do this, why would she do this – Eliza can’t pick which one to start.

“Why did you do it?” she ends up asking. “Why _me_?”

Maria, this time, is silent, a bunch of emotions crossing her face. “Because I – because I couldn’t get to your husband,” she says.

“Alexander would never cheat on me,” Eliza retorts, her voice bitter. _But I_ would _cheat on him. Quite easily, and at the first opportunity_. “The blackmailing – was it your idea or James’s?”

“His,” Maria says. “But it was mostly my fault.”

If anything, it was Eliza's fault. She’d thought, going into this, that Maria was in her late 20’s – after all, she’d only had her first kid when she was 25 – but Maria was 23. Eliza was 35, married for 11 years, mother of 5, and she’d made the decision to jump into bed with her. Maria was basically just a girl, who’d suffered for 7 years in an abusive relationship.

“I should have said no,” Eliza replies. “And Maria – make no mistake, that’s what I’m doing now. This – we can’t go on.”

“But –” Maria starts to say.

“Your husband sent an email to _my_ husband,” Eliza interrupts. “And I love him, and mending our relationship means that I can’t be seeing you on the side.”

Maria looks _heartbroken_ for a second, but then her expression becomes impassive. “Okay,” she eventually says. “Bye, Eliza.”

“Bye,” Eliza replies shortly, turning back to her computer so she doesn’t have to see Maria walk out.

As soon as the door closes, Eliza resolutely does _not_ cry. She'll save that for later, when she's home.


	2. doing me wrong

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Valentine's Day! Have some angst :D (It's a very good excuse for eating chocolate)

_And I love him, and mending our relationship means that I can’t be seeing you on the side._

Maria wants to be angry at Eliza, she really does, but it’s hard – because it’s Eliza, because she’s sweet and lovely and wonderful, because Maria is in love with her.

She’s not quite sure when it happened. All she knows is that Eliza had said she was going to come over one night, and she’d waited and waited for at least 2 hours before Eliza had actually shown up. She’d been ready to be angry then, too, but she’d been too happy and relieved to see Eliza’s face when she had shown up, immediately talking about how her second youngest had tripped and she’d had to take care of him.

Eliza had only stopped apologizing when Maria silenced her with a kiss, and that night – yeah, she’d realized that somehow, between sleeping with Eliza and talking with her and _being_ with her, she’d fallen in love with her.

As she walks away from the office, she wishes she’d told Eliza, but… she hadn’t. Why hadn’t she?

“I love him.” _But not you._

Maybe that was why. Maybe she’d known, deep down, that Eliza didn’t reciprocate. Maybe, if she’d said those words – then, or now, or any time in between – she’d hoped, daydreamed, that Eliza would say them back, that they’d divorce their husbands and actually get together, but given what had happened, Eliza probably wouldn’t have done that. 

_You sure do know how to pick ‘em, Maria_ , she thought. _An abusive asshole and a married woman who’s not in love with you._

Abusive asshole… oh, God, she would really have to get away from James now, wouldn’t she? He hadn’t come home yet, but when he did… He’d never beaten her in front of Susan, never put her in the hospital, but given how she’d lied…

She’d have to go to a shelter. A different one, obviously. Their first meeting – Eliza had said something about a restraining order? She should look that up. That might be able to help.

She’d been heading home, but quickly turned around. There was a coffee shop she liked that had free wifi, and she’d brought her phone charger in her purse. Yeah, she’d go spend some time doing research – Jake wouldn’t be dropping Susan off for another few hours. 

A quick look at herself in the glass of a storefront reassured her that she hadn’t started crying. Good – she couldn’t afford to. Wasting time crying over a broken heart wouldn’t help her now.


End file.
